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心中有善,眼中有美,处世存真; 用知识沐浴,用良言去疾,不断地更新自我。

 
 
 

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1﹑喜愛干淨、安靜、有序的生存環境。 2﹑好客, 喜愛烹调, 愛打点自己的窝。 3﹑主動、積極、樂觀、負責是我的人生態度。 4﹑習慣獨自思考與檢討, 懂得尊重他人必受人尊重的道理。 5﹑清楚自己的缺點, 坦然面對自己的不足。 6﹑在順境中感恩, 在逆境中心存喜樂。

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女人,你還在尋求真愛嗎?  

2010-09-20 10:47:30|  分类: 咖啡小屋 |  标签: |举报 |字号 订阅

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女人,你還在尋求真愛嗎? - Rose young - 冰希的河

 

女人一旦年過三十,就不要再苦苦尋找Mr. Right了,如果能找到差不多的或者處於現在進行時的,就該定下來了。 Lori Gottlieb寫了一本書,名叫《嫁給他:找個夠好的就行了》。這本書下周即將在英國發售,她認為一個女人如果一定要找到一個能讓自己陷入一段深深的浪漫的愛情才結婚,通常都落得孤獨終身的下場。

 Gottlieb本人是一個四十歲的單身媽媽,她寫道,“堅持尋找真愛的想法已經滲透到了我們的靈魂(誰知道真愛是啥——看看現在的離婚率),”她在尋找完美男人期間拒絕了很多“完全可以接受但是不感興趣”的人,她現在承認很希望自己早就和這樣的人定下來。 她寫道,“我的夢想,像我媽媽和她媽媽一樣,曾經是墜入愛河、結婚、然後從此過上幸福快樂的日子。當然,女人到了現在這種時代和年齡不喜歡承認這一點,但是,你問問任何願意吐露心聲的四十歲的異性戀女人,她們一生中最想要什麼,通常她不會說想要更好的事業、更細的小蠻腰或者更大的房子。最有可能的是,她會說她非常想要個老公(再說開一點,一個孩子)”。

Gottlieb的書是在她2008年寫給《亞特蘭大》雜誌的一篇文章的基礎上寫成的。這篇文章造成了轟動,奧普拉把這篇文章收入到自己的雜誌《O》裏面,在讀者中也造成了兩極分化的討論。這場討論引起了華納獨立影業和托比·馬圭爾的馬圭爾娛樂的注意,他們買下了這本書的版權和拍成電影的權利。馬圭爾想自己製作這部電影。

現在有很多女人經年累月尋找白馬王子最後只能獨身一人,Gottlieb 為此責備女權主義者。Gottlieb說,這些女人對外界仍然堅稱她們是自我滿足的,“但是事實上,我們不是不需要自行車的魚,我們是需要一個傳統家庭的女人,”她寫道,“我認識的每個女人——不管多成功多有野心,經濟上和心理上多麼安全——如果到了30歲還沒結婚,都會覺得恐慌,偶爾還會伴隨著絕望。”

Gottlieb說,告訴女人她們可以擁有一切,這麼背叛她們的不只是女權主義者,每一本書、每部電影和電視劇——從簡·奧斯丁到老友記都表現了浪漫愛情和永遠幸福的結尾組合在一起的神話,而這個神話的永垂不久給女人幫了一個巨大又危險的倒忙。“我們被決定去追求偉大的愛情。人生中的唯一就在某個地方,這種神話如此普遍,這令人非常痛苦,”她說,“我們長大了把婚姻理想化了,但是如果我們事先擁有的是對婚姻那種冷冰冰的、艱難的東西有更現實的理解的話,我們會走上完全不同的道路。結果我們放棄了哪些讓人不太感興趣的關係,那本來會讓我們幸福的。”

她甚至說,找個第二選擇結婚從長久來看會讓女人更幸福。“當我們堅持尋找浪漫愛情的時候,我們會有幻覺這種熱情和激情會讓我們更幸福,”她寫道。“但是嫁給一個足夠好的人也是可行的,尤其是你在尋找一生的伴侶的時候。”

“一段好的婚姻並不需要一段浪漫的關係,婚姻並不是激情的聚會,婚姻是合夥運營一個非常小的、世俗的、通常很乏味又不盈利的公司。我這麼說是好意。”但是作家Elizabeth Gilbert認為女人覺得婚姻會讓她們幸福就是錯的。在她的新書中,她寫道“我們結婚通常都是因為我們戀愛了,我們覺得結婚會讓我們幸福。然而結了婚的女人比起單身女人來說更容易陷入絕望。”“已婚女性在職場上沒有單身女性那麼成功。”

她說:“事實是,在交換誓言的時候女性通常就是輸的一方。”

 

女人,你還在尋求真愛嗎? - Rose young - 冰希的河 英文版
女人,你還在尋求真愛嗎? - Rose young - 冰希的河
 

Women looking for a Mr Right should give up after 30 and settle for a Mr ­Second Best or a Mr Right Now.

 Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr Good Enough, which is published in the UK next week, believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep, romantic love are consigning themselves to a lonely future.

"The theme of holding out for true love (whatever that is – look at the divorce rate) permeates our collective mentality," writes Gottlieb, a 40-year-old single mother who now admits she wishes she had "settled" for any of the "perfectly acceptable but uninspiring" men she rejected during her search for the perfect man.

"My dream, like that of my mother and her mother, was to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after. Of course, women are loth to admit it in this day and age, but ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life, and she probably won't tell you it's a better career or a smaller waistline or a bigger apartment. Most likely, she'll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child)," she writes.

Gottlieb's book is based on an article she wrote in 2008 for the Atlantic magazine. The piece created such a sensation that it was picked up by Oprah Winfrey's O magazine and polarised readers. The debate caught the attention of Warner Independent and Tobey Maguire's Maguire Entertainment, which bought the book and film rights. Maguire intends to produce the film himself.

Gottlieb blames feminism for the number of women who find themselves alone after spending years holding out for their white knight. To the outside world, says Gottlieb, these women still insist they are self-sufficient. "But in reality, we aren't fish who can do without a bicycle; we're women who want a traditional family," she writes. "Every woman I know – no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure – feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried."

It is not just feminism that has betrayed women by telling them they could have it all, said Gottlieb: every book, film and television show that perpetuates the myth of combining romantic love with a happy-ever-after ending – from Jane Austen to Friends – has done women a great and dangerous disservice.

女人,你還在尋求真愛嗎? - Rose young - 冰希的河

 "We're conditioned to crave that Big Love. It's painful how pervasive the fantasy is that The One is out there," she said. "We grew up idealising marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold, hard benefits, we might have done things differently. So we walked away from uninspiring relationships that might have made us happy."

She even claims that settling for Mr Second Best could make women happier in the long run. "When we're holding out for romantic love, we have the fantasy that this level of passionate intensity will make us happier," she writes. "But marry­ing Mr Good Enough might be equally viable, especially if you're looking for a reliable life companion.

"What makes for a good marriage isn't necessarily what makes for a good romantic relationship. Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way."  But fellow author Elizabeth Gilbert believes that women are wrong to believe marriage will make them happy. In her new book, Committed: A Sceptic Makes Peace with Marriage, she writes: "We marry most often because we are in love and we think it will make us happy. Yet married women are more likely to suffer from depression than are single women.

"Married women are not as successful in their careers as single women."  She adds: "The fact is women generally lose in the exchange of vows."

 

 

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